Im an oven baked cushion

I wish I was a security panda and could spend my time patrolling the dead sea. For then I would be free. Slipping on a cap with the securipaw insignia, I would stroll about the perimeter and keep my eye watchful for unwanted bathers. It would be my responsibility, but a burden I would be happy to bare. Deadpan expression. For I would be a security panda. The pothole that caught gods tears would be my stomping ground and I would have complete control. No surface to air missiles would be needed, no artillery of any sort. For I would be a security panda. The black and white guardian of a mystical land. A warrior for the good of no one but my translucent brethrin. No banana hammock wearing cunt is going to soil your salty liquid mass oh quiet abyss of my dreams - would be my constant, unwavering internal dialogue. For I would be the security panda...